While visiting my grandbabies in California last week, I met with a young couple who wanted to talk with me about adding to their family by adopting. They are young and energetic, successful, involved in their community---and already have two young children. They'd thought about adoption for years, he told me. With all the parentless children in the world, it seemed like a move whose time had come.
They both had grown up knowing kids who had been adopted. Some of their friends and neighbors had chosen adoption to build their families as well. Where should the start, they asked, and what were my recommendations?
They were already aware of the current crisis in international adoption in terms of lengthy delays and countries closing, but were unaware of the degree to which corruption and c ompetition is driving these problems to their eventual end. They also had heard about institutional delays experienced by children raised in orphanages. They were not surprised by the fact that many children adopted in this country through foster care are not all that different from children coming from abroad. \And they seemed to understand that adoption, no matter where or how or who, came with no guarantees.
We talked for a long time. They asked thoughtful questions and listened carefully. They took notes and referred back to them for more clarification. How did kids come into foster care here and how did they move eventually to parental termination and adoption? Was it a similar process internationally?
In the end, they left my daughter's home overwhelmed but excited. Foster care with the possibility of ending in an adoption? Maybe, but how would they ever be able to return a child they had grown to love if adoption were not the outcome? Nevertheless, they plan to contact their local foster care office for more information. International adoption? Also risky business. But again, they left with the names of two agencies to contact specializing in international placements. This young couple is excited about stepping out onto another path to family building. It's all about choice...and the consequences of those choices. And, it's not always about making the right choice, but how you live it!
By the way, there is a wonderful resource out there for families already involved in domestic child welfare and foster care or those interested in learning more. Check out www.fosteringfamiliestoday.com and tell them Cindy sent you.
And while you're deciding (or even if you're just curious) don't overlook the incredible work of the national team at AdoptUsKids. Visit their site to read about waiting children in all 50 states and the personal stories of families who have opened their hearts and arms to some of these children. Go to http://www.adoptuskids.org AdoptUsKids also has a blog where prospective waiting parents can get support and information from AdoptUsKids and each other. Go to adoptuskids.blogspot.com. It's worth the time!
From where I sit,
Cindy
Showing posts with label international adoption. Show all posts
Showing posts with label international adoption. Show all posts
Friday, May 16, 2008
It's National Foster Care Month, so... Cross Over the Bridge!
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
Adoption Changes Everything
As a family building choice, adoption changes everything, now and forever. Sometimes the change is obvious because the children wear adoption on their faces. These "visible families" often find themselves on the receiving end of intrusive---even outrageous---questions from perfect strangers; at least the topic is on the table from the start and they develop some coping strategies for rudeness.
Not always so when parents build their families to achieve "invisibility." These families "pass" at first blush, and it can be tempting for parents to simply sidestep the issue of adoption. A version of don't ask, don't tell. While there are still adults who learn of their adoption only when their parents are deceased and they are going through old papers, it's difficult for me to believe that there are youngsters with no preparation for understanding how they came to be part of their families.
Pearle Vision has created a beautiful video ad for Mother's Day (click here). In it, a PV exec and adoptive mother says, “I have seen tears in the eyes of an abandoned child in China. And even though I knew I was taking her to a better place, all she knew was that she was being taken away. I have seen my daughters, born on opposite sides of the earth, become true sisters. But most of all, I have seen that being a mother is not in the blood but of the heart."
Please take a minute to follow the link above, but don't forget to come back! When you do, let me know what YOU think in the comments section below.
Don’t count the days---make the days count.
Cindy
Stories at a Gathering
TOP: Anna Johnson, Barb Tremitiere, Cindy Peck, Arlene Stabile, Filis Casey, MIDDLE: Nancy Fox, Dawn Degenhart, BOTTOM: Lynne Jacobs, Joan McNamara, Andrea Stawitcke, Sherry SmithI recently had a unique opportunity to spend several days with a group of women who, collectively, totaled more than 570 years of adoption experience. Cindy Peck, agency founder, member or various boards and publisher of Roots and Wings Magazine, among others, convened a group of adoption professionals for, two purposes—capturing the history of international adoption from the mid 50s to the present, and looking forward to where international adoption is heading as we move into a post-Hague world. I initially felt quite intimidated at this gathering which included women I have known (some only by reputation) and respected for many years: Barb Tremetiere, Joan McNamara, Dawn Degenhardt, Nancy Fox, and Filis Casey, among others. But as we spent the days sharing our experiences, it became very clear to me why this group had come together.
Our experiences shared the common thread of working and advocating for the interests of children around the globe—children who had no options for a better life unless they became part of a family in a country far from their birth. Each woman added her unique perspective on how adoption has changed over the years, in terms of countries, governmental regulations, attitudes of adoptive parents and even the process itself. I learned so much simply sitting among this dynamic group and soaking up their recollections, stories, insights, convictions and reflections on how international adoption has transformed over the last decades. I felt privileged to be able to share my own memories (more recent, but still equally valid) of the countries I have visited, the children I have seen, the many wonderful individuals I have met who have dedicated their lives to the service of orphaned and abandoned children. There is a possibility that this oral history of sorts may find its way into a documentary film, that that is definitely in the future.
The second half of the meeting was more sobering as we looked forward into a future of increasing regulations and more challenges to adoption in the countries that allow it. The collective wisdom seemed to be that, in order to survive, agencies are going to have to become more flexible, more open to ways of operating not considered in the past (merging, collaborating, branching into related fields, etc.) more willing to think outside the box and respond to shifting paradigms. I left our gathering with enormous admiration for these spectacular women who inspire me, but also left with a renewed sense of purpose. I feel strongly that adoption is going through a transitional phase and that we must continue to work for the benefit of those who have no voice, no one to advocate for them and those who rely on our sense of honor and commitment to do our very best for them.
Our experiences shared the common thread of working and advocating for the interests of children around the globe—children who had no options for a better life unless they became part of a family in a country far from their birth. Each woman added her unique perspective on how adoption has changed over the years, in terms of countries, governmental regulations, attitudes of adoptive parents and even the process itself. I learned so much simply sitting among this dynamic group and soaking up their recollections, stories, insights, convictions and reflections on how international adoption has transformed over the last decades. I felt privileged to be able to share my own memories (more recent, but still equally valid) of the countries I have visited, the children I have seen, the many wonderful individuals I have met who have dedicated their lives to the service of orphaned and abandoned children. There is a possibility that this oral history of sorts may find its way into a documentary film, that that is definitely in the future.
The second half of the meeting was more sobering as we looked forward into a future of increasing regulations and more challenges to adoption in the countries that allow it. The collective wisdom seemed to be that, in order to survive, agencies are going to have to become more flexible, more open to ways of operating not considered in the past (merging, collaborating, branching into related fields, etc.) more willing to think outside the box and respond to shifting paradigms. I left our gathering with enormous admiration for these spectacular women who inspire me, but also left with a renewed sense of purpose. I feel strongly that adoption is going through a transitional phase and that we must continue to work for the benefit of those who have no voice, no one to advocate for them and those who rely on our sense of honor and commitment to do our very best for them.
Written by Gathering participant Andrea Stawitcki, Ex. Dir. of Bay Area Adoption Services in San Francisco, for her agency newsletter.
Monday, May 12, 2008
Leaving on a Jet Plane---to Rent a Womb in India
Customer service, tech support and face lifts...these days we outsource everything to India. So why not pregnancy?
Reproductive outsourcing is a new but rapidly expanding enterprise in India. Clinics that provide surrogate mothers for foreigners say they have been inundated with requests from the United States and Europe in recent months, as word spreads of India's combination of skilled medical professionals, relatively liberal laws and low prices. With opportunities for international adoption cut drastically, what about surrogacy? Despite the appearance of an innovative “quick fix,” surrogacy is still a complex and somewhat frightening way to achieve parenthood.
Commercial surrogacy, which is banned in some European countries and subject to a wide range of regulation in the US, was legalized in India in 2002. Surrogacy costs there average at around $12,000, including all medical expenses and the surrogate's fee of $5000 to $7000. In the U.S., the same procedure can cost up to $70,000---well out of reach of most infertile couples in the absence of excellent medical coverage. By the time one factors in air tickets and hotels for two trips to India (one for the fertilization and a second to collect the baby) the total comes to around $25,000, roughly a third of the typical price in the United States. According to some experts, Indian surrogacy is already a $445-million-a-year business---and growing.
What are the types of surrogacy?
The more common form is IVF / Gestational surrogacy, where a woman carries a pregnancy created by the egg and sperm of the genetic couple. The egg of the wife is fertilized in vitro by husband's sperms by IVF/ICSI procedure, embryo transfer is performed into the surrogate's uterus and the surrogate carries the pregnancy for nine months. The child is not genetically linked to the surrogate. The success rate (carry home baby) of surrogacy is around 45% in cases where fresh embryos are transferred. If frozen embryos are used, the success rate drops to about 20-25%.
Traditional Surrogacy is not new but it carries its own risks and rewards. Commonly an option for women who have no functioning ovaries due to premature ovarian failure, egg donation also can be an option. A woman who is at risk of passing a genetic disease to her offspring may also opt for traditional surrogacy. The surrogate is inseminated or an IVF/ICSI procedure is performed with sperm from the male partner of an infertile couple. The child that results is genetically related to the surrogate and to the male partner but not to the female partner. It is this form of surrogacy that carries the risk of the birth mother deciding to keep the child. And in many states the law is on her side.
What are the advantages of surrogacy? Surrogacy may be the only chance for some couples to have a child which is biologically completely their own (IVF surrogacy) or partly their own (gestational surrogacy). The genetic mother can bond with the baby better than in situations like adoption.
What are the disadvantages of surrogacy? Although surrogacy often attracts media attention when it succeeds, it is still a highly controversial and legally complex topic with several disadvantages to be considered. Some surrogates have a problem parting with the baby (remember the infamous “Baby Melissa” case in New Jersey several years ago where custody was fought long and hard in the courts before a less than amicable resolution?). The potential for medical / obstetric complications faced by a surrogate during pregnancy can put extra financial burden on the commissioning couple. While a couple has contracted with a surrogate who agrees to attend to her own health to help ensure the delivery of a healthy baby, there is no way to guarantee strict adherence to the terms of the contract. And what about cases the surrogacy technique may be 'misused' like career oriented women, figure conscious woman, models etc. may just 'hire' women on 'rent' to carry their biological child?
As interest in surrogacy grows here and abroad, so does the surrogacy business continue to grow in India. Yet it is not without risk. There is little regulation by the Indian Medical Council that oversees such practices. In the absence of clear rules women, often poor and illiterate, are vulnerable to exploitation. Meanwhile, as medical ethicists continue to debate the morality of the practice, couples from the United States and elsewhere are increasingly turning to India for the ultimate outsource — a rented womb.
For an interesting discussion on the reality of surrogacy from a doctor’s point of view, whether here or abroad, visit this blog:
http://doctorandpatient.blogspot.com/2006/07/surrogacy-in-india-real-picture.html
Reproductive outsourcing is a new but rapidly expanding enterprise in India. Clinics that provide surrogate mothers for foreigners say they have been inundated with requests from the United States and Europe in recent months, as word spreads of India's combination of skilled medical professionals, relatively liberal laws and low prices. With opportunities for international adoption cut drastically, what about surrogacy? Despite the appearance of an innovative “quick fix,” surrogacy is still a complex and somewhat frightening way to achieve parenthood.
Commercial surrogacy, which is banned in some European countries and subject to a wide range of regulation in the US, was legalized in India in 2002. Surrogacy costs there average at around $12,000, including all medical expenses and the surrogate's fee of $5000 to $7000. In the U.S., the same procedure can cost up to $70,000---well out of reach of most infertile couples in the absence of excellent medical coverage. By the time one factors in air tickets and hotels for two trips to India (one for the fertilization and a second to collect the baby) the total comes to around $25,000, roughly a third of the typical price in the United States. According to some experts, Indian surrogacy is already a $445-million-a-year business---and growing.
What are the types of surrogacy?
The more common form is IVF / Gestational surrogacy, where a woman carries a pregnancy created by the egg and sperm of the genetic couple. The egg of the wife is fertilized in vitro by husband's sperms by IVF/ICSI procedure, embryo transfer is performed into the surrogate's uterus and the surrogate carries the pregnancy for nine months. The child is not genetically linked to the surrogate. The success rate (carry home baby) of surrogacy is around 45% in cases where fresh embryos are transferred. If frozen embryos are used, the success rate drops to about 20-25%.
Traditional Surrogacy is not new but it carries its own risks and rewards. Commonly an option for women who have no functioning ovaries due to premature ovarian failure, egg donation also can be an option. A woman who is at risk of passing a genetic disease to her offspring may also opt for traditional surrogacy. The surrogate is inseminated or an IVF/ICSI procedure is performed with sperm from the male partner of an infertile couple. The child that results is genetically related to the surrogate and to the male partner but not to the female partner. It is this form of surrogacy that carries the risk of the birth mother deciding to keep the child. And in many states the law is on her side.
What are the advantages of surrogacy? Surrogacy may be the only chance for some couples to have a child which is biologically completely their own (IVF surrogacy) or partly their own (gestational surrogacy). The genetic mother can bond with the baby better than in situations like adoption.
What are the disadvantages of surrogacy? Although surrogacy often attracts media attention when it succeeds, it is still a highly controversial and legally complex topic with several disadvantages to be considered. Some surrogates have a problem parting with the baby (remember the infamous “Baby Melissa” case in New Jersey several years ago where custody was fought long and hard in the courts before a less than amicable resolution?). The potential for medical / obstetric complications faced by a surrogate during pregnancy can put extra financial burden on the commissioning couple. While a couple has contracted with a surrogate who agrees to attend to her own health to help ensure the delivery of a healthy baby, there is no way to guarantee strict adherence to the terms of the contract. And what about cases the surrogacy technique may be 'misused' like career oriented women, figure conscious woman, models etc. may just 'hire' women on 'rent' to carry their biological child?
As interest in surrogacy grows here and abroad, so does the surrogacy business continue to grow in India. Yet it is not without risk. There is little regulation by the Indian Medical Council that oversees such practices. In the absence of clear rules women, often poor and illiterate, are vulnerable to exploitation. Meanwhile, as medical ethicists continue to debate the morality of the practice, couples from the United States and elsewhere are increasingly turning to India for the ultimate outsource — a rented womb.
For an interesting discussion on the reality of surrogacy from a doctor’s point of view, whether here or abroad, visit this blog:
http://doctorandpatient.blogspot.com/2006/07/surrogacy-in-india-real-picture.html
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